I know what you’re thinking, “Homsher is doing ANOTHER basketball rant!?  Doesn’t he have ANYTHING else to talk about?!!”  For those of you who know me well the answer is obvious.  No.

Once upon a time, basketball was a form of ENTERTAINMENT.  Magic Johnson was throwing no look passes to the Showtime Lakers, Larry Bird was dropping fade away jump shots on helpless defenders, and Michael Jordan was “literally embarrassing the league” (as famously quoted by Chuck Daley).  The NBA brought millions of fans together to watch possibly the greatest game in the world, with athletes who would amaze even the sternest onlookers.  Unfortunately for ALL of those fans, The Detroit Pistons have been attempting to SABOTAGE all that is good and fun in the world of basketball for the past 6 seasons. 

The Pistons built their entire team around a nucleus of Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton, Tayshawn Prince, and Rasheed Wallace.  Each of these players has been with the team for several years, and each player fits into a certain mold.  They can all score 15-25 points on any given night.  They all play EXCEPTIONAL defense, both individually and within a team concept.  They are all very good passers, who rarely turn the ball over.  So, why would such a talented group of teammates, who have played together for years and developed excellent chemistry lead to such an uninspiring brand of basketball?

First and foremost, their style is NUMBING.  It’s numbing in the same way as dumping a bag of ice down the crotch of your pants is numbing.  They might be the polar opposite of the 1980’s Showtime Lakers.  Those Lakers would ELECTRIFY the crowd with their up-tempo style which led to great athletic plays on both ends of the court.  The Pistons try to SLOW DOWN and GRIND OUT ugly, HIDEOUS games each and every night for the entire season.  Do you know how LOOONNGGGG 82 games are when you play like that?  Both the Pistons and the Warriors shot 45% this year.  The Pistons scored 97 points per game, and the Warriors averaged ONE HUNDRED AND ELEVEN.  That’s a 14 point differential!!  Why such a large differential when the two teams shoot the same percentage?  It's simple actually - the Warriors get TWICE as many possessions because they push the ball up the court.  The Pistons WALK the ball up the court with as much urgency as John Daly making his way to an AA meeting.  Then they work the shot clock for 23 1/2 seconds, presumably to allow sufficient time for me to have a bathroom break between each shot attempt.  To top things off, those 97 points per game from the Pistons is BY FAR the MOST they’ve scored in the past six seasons.  How is this ENTERTAINING!?!?!  These 84-77 victories are about as entertaining as watching Oprah discuss the latest addition to her book club.   

Other than actually watching this CRUEL ABOMINATION which poorly approximates the fantastic game of basketball, the Pistons attitude is disgusting.  For some reason, the Pistons seem to think that they have some sort of birthright to the NBA championship.  They play with such a SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT that it makes me want to puke.  Each game they come out STRUTTING out onto the court like they are hot s@^&.  Guess what guys – you won the title FIVE YEARS AGO!!!  YOU AREN’T THE DEFENDING CHAMPS!!!  Let’s see what the Pistons have done in the years following their title in 2003-2004.

1. 2004-2005 – Lost to the San Antonio Spurs in 7 games in the NBA finals – No shame in that.  However, it needs to be mentioned that this was the LEAST INTRIGUING NBA finals of all time.  Usually, if there is a game 7 IN THE FIRST ROUND, I adjust my entire schedule to make sure that I watch it.  If there is a game 7 in the NBA finals, you can be sure that under normal circumstances, I am close to spontaneously combusting.  I did not watch ONE SECOND of this game.  In FIVE of the 7 games, the losing team did not break 80 points.  That is AWFUL basketball. 

2. 2005-2006 – Nearly lost to a TERRIBLE Cleveland Cavaliers team in the Eastern semi-finals after building a 2-0 series lead.  Promptly lost the Eastern conference finals in 6 games to a Miami team who is one of the worst NBA champions in recent memory. 

3. 2006-2007 – Built a 2-0 lead against Cleveland in the Eastern Conference finals then lost FOUR IN A ROW to a HORRIFIC Cleveland team with exactly ONE basketball player (Lebron James) who would even get 15 minutes a game for the Pistons.  Watching Lebron go NUTS on them in game 5 was easily the highlight of the entire NBA season. 

The worst part is that the national media has BOUGHT INTO THIS TRASH!  All season long, I’ve heard nothing but comments like “The East goes through Detroit”.  IT DOES?  REALLY?  It went through pretty DAMNED EASILY the past 2 postseasons!!  In spite of their playoff failures the past few season, the Pistons STILL come out of every game with this cocky attitude like they can flip the on/off switch and simply play hard whenever they feel like it and still beat good teams.  They opened the playoffs against a 76ers team who wasn’t even good enough to finish over .500 in a DREADFUL Eastern Conference.  Of course, the Pistons built a 15 point lead in the 3rd quarter, but they must have decided to hit the “cruise control” switch the rest of the way, because they obviously forgot that the game lasts 48 minutes, not 30.  Hopefully, my hometown Sixers can bring a whole lot more of this the rest of the series:

         
Winning 76-68 fifty five or so times per year is so PAINFUL that I don’t see how even the most DIEHARD Pistons fans can find that entertaining.  They suck the life out of basketball sort of like how Matrix Revolutions sucked the life out of an otherwise kickass series.  Thankfully, the fast paced game of the ‘80s has made a revival the past few years, and teams like the Suns, Nuggets, and Warriors have experienced assorted levels of success.  Let’s hope the trend continues – DOWN WITH DETROIT!!

For good measure, more Pistons getting OWNED!

          Next Page >>

Comments

Add New Search RSS

Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved.