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 | Written by Jim Sarruda on Tuesday, 06 May 2008
Category:Random_Sarruda
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WEAKSAUCE WEDNESDAY - TELEMARKETERS
Are you ever happy to answer your phone when you do not know who is on the other end?
I admit sometimes I have a sense of curiosity. Tell me if this thought sequence sounds familiar.
I wonder who this could be. Maybe it’s a friend of mine whose number I got deleted. Maybe its someone telling me I won something. Maybe its someone I haven’t met yet that is about to tell me something really interesting.
No? Well, you’re probably not as stupid as me. Why am I never prepared for the telemarketer? It seems so obvious. I see the unknown number, so why can’t I just ignore it? Why am I always running to the phone like there’s candy in it.
Then comes the disappointment. I realize the caller is a sales person, I tell them I’m not interested, and I hang up all disgusted.
Can you imagine working as a telemarketer? Does it ever go well for you? Seriously, does anyone care what you have to say?
 I dont think this is accurate
Caller:
Hi, Mr. Sarruda, how are you tonight? Can I borrow a moment of your time to tell you about the exciting new benefits of owning a paperclip house?
Me:
I’m fine how are you? Actually, I was about to eat dinner. Wait, on second thought, it’s nothing I can’t reheat later, Ha-ha-ha. So what exciting new information can you provide me that I can’t already assume by picturing a house made entirely of paperclips?
Caller:
Well Mr. Sarruda, a paperclip house may not be structurally sound, but it is pretty amazing that our engineers were able to assemble over 500 paperclips in order to make each aesthetically pleasing home available to our consumers.
Me:
Wow, thanks for giving me this useful information. I am so recklessly impressed with your work that I am desperate to recite my credit card over the phone so I can receive your product before I realize how stupid I am.
The concept of telephone marketing being successful is absolutely absurd. These people don’t want to talk to you and you don’t want to talk to them. The best is when they stumble over your name and then don’t acknowledge it.
Caller:
Hi Mr. Sourdough, may I please have a moment of your time to describe how you can save thousands of dollars without any effort.
Me:
Since you are working as a telemarketer and you can’t even pronounce my name, odds are you have no idea how to manipulate money let alone tie your own shoelaces you worthless cretin. Why don’t you go hang out with a toll booth attendant so between the two of you, you can have the mental capacity of an inane bottle of fabric softener.
So if no one seems to want to acknowledge that they enjoy these phone calls, why are they still in business? How has the telephone marketing industry thrived over into the 21st century. How was is not phased out with VCR’s?
Telephone sales should have been replaced by email spamming. Wouldn't that be the next logical step?
If that were the case, then how is there still a market for telephone sales? Why do I still get these phone calls? Why haven’t these primitive companies upgraded to spamming my inbox? Do they not understand how to operate a computer?
I picture this fat dude with a rotary phone drinking cream soda and refusing to join the new millennium. Everyday he calls ten random people and asks them if they want to buy time shares in Harlem before he calls Dominoes and asks for a wheel barrel full of cheesy bread.
 Valued Members of Society
How would you like it if I called you up and asked you to buy my garbage?
One day after I hang up with one of these idiots, I’m going to press redial and try to sell whoever answers the phone my old basketball shoes.
Then when they say they don’t want them, I’ll ask what time is best for me to call them back and try again.
I understand you don’t want my old shoes now, but how about I call back later at a time that you may want them.
What?
How stupid are people in this world?
I guess not stupid enough.
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By:Jim Sarruda
Category:Random_Sarruda
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