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(FAA) Flight Attendant Awfulness |
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 | Written by Jim Sarruda on Tuesday, 13 May 2008
Category:Random_Sarruda
Hits:3258 |
I know what you’re thinking…
The ManRants Crew is beating the whole airplane travel thing to death. We all hate flying, it’s been said. You probably aren’t thrilled to read any more airplane gripes.
Understood. Now that we’ve cleared the air, I really need to tear the concept of a “flight attendant” to shreds. It is Weaksauce Wednesday and no sauce is more weak then that of a professional passenger.
 Mam, please put your seat forward
I understand the service crew is in place for our protection as well as our benefit, and they are essential to every flight. At times they can be very helpful, but they are still susceptible to criticism. Much like a waiter/waitress in a restaurant, these men and women represent the airline that employs them with their service and personality.
What I don’t understand is why we all can’t travel together in harmony. Why is it that every time I have to fly I have the flight crew breathing down my neck, supervising my every move? Imagine if the waitresses interfered with your meal.
It has been my experience that flight attendants tend to let the authority go to their heads. They get caught up in the excitement of ruling the “kingdom” of one hundred passengers. The irony of the whole situation is the main purpose of the service crew is to provide the travelers with in-flight service. Instead, the mile high power trip usually gets to the point where they are acting like frustrated babysitters.
For people whose primary job functions include to demonstrate how a seatbelt is fastened, where do they develop this overwhelming sense of arrogance? It is truly amazing how condescending a person can become simply by wearing an official uniform. Just because the professional attire they wear resembles that of a pilot, I guess they feel as though they each deserve their own crown.
 Shes exempt from her seatbelt
Did you ever notice that the flight attendants don’t even follow their own stupid rules?
How many times do I notice an agent pacing the cabin after the captain has asked HER SPECIFICALLY to be seated for departure?
I know what you’re thinking:
Give the woman a break, she will take her seat as soon as she can.
Honestly, I wouldn’t care, I really wouldn’t if I were treated with the same sense of leniency.
I have been on my fair share of airplanes. I’ve earned gold status with Continental’s frequent flyer program. I am no stranger to airports and I think its safe to say, I know the drill.
Today I needed a tissue. I was sneezing. The plane had not moved yet, but the cabin door had been closed and the fasten seatbelt light had been turned on. I decided I had two options. I could either blow a snot rocket into the Northwest airlines travel magazine or get my jacket out of the cabinet and find a tissue. I opted to find a tissue. In seconds I was being reprimanded like a toddler that strayed away from his coach after a squirrel.
Sir! Sir! Please remain seated with your seatbelt on!
It was like a violated parole.
I can understand being very serious about a job and responsibility, but whenever I fly it always seems to be overkill with flight attendants. I really just can’t take it anymore.
After I blew my nose, I return to my seat and fasten my seatbelt. I am seated about thirteen seconds when I am interrupted again.
Sir! Sir! Please put your bag completely under the seat in front of you!
I look down and notice my computer bag is behind my ankles, allowing my feet to stretch out under the seat in front of me.
I look at this toilet bowl cleaning puck of a woman standing indignantly in front of me and am immediately disgusted. However, I comply with the stupid rule anyway.
I can’t help but wonder, what difference does it make to her where I “stow” my computer bag?
Why can’t I be comfortable? I don’t hear the person behind me complaining that my bag is in his way, because it’s not! It’s tucked right behind my legs! Seriously, enforcing this rule serves no purpose other then to assert your authority over me.
So after adjusting my stupid bag, I am sitting in my uncomfortable airplane chair as relaxed as one can possibly be with his feet wedged into a computer bag. The captain brightens the situation by informing us that we are third in line for take off and we could expect to wait about twenty minutes.
I decide to recline in my uncomfortable seat, so I can be slightly less uncomfortable while I wait.
Sir! Sir! Please return your seat to its full upright position!
It’s like she was waiting for me to break the stupid rule.
Seriously, what difference does it make to you if I lean back a quarter of an inch! WE ARE NOT EVEN MOVING!!
What is that rule anyway? Is it seriously for my protection? Who cares if I have my seat back when we take off! What is the difference! Why do I have the comfort police up my butt always whenever I need to fly?
I am losing patience, but again, I comply with the stupid rule.
What am I supposed to do? I’m not comfortable and I’m bored. Imagine if I were stuck on this runway for hours! Then what would I do?
I already know I can’t take out my Nintendo DS. The captain told me that “since the cabin door has been shut, I must discontinue use of my electronic device.”
This is the most ridiculous rule of all of them.
 Me texting the pilot
Please, make sure all your video games are turned off because my 50 feet of wireless range is going to crash all the electronics in the cockpit. My lithium ion battery is going to melt all the electronics on the Embraer Jet.
Your cell phones are going to interfere with air traffic control. Please turn them off.
The pilot can’t land the plane while you are listening to your iPod.
Are you kidding me!
What kind of MORON believes that using electronics effects ANYTHING during take off and landing.
Can you prove to me that it does? Have you ever been in the cockpit during takeoff? You had a pilot personally tell you he couldn’t fly a plane because of cell phone usage? What about Nintendo DS usage? How about iPod usage?
I actually had a guy lean over and remind me to turn my blackberry off after the captain made his announcement. I was just finishing up an email.
I wanted to smack that guy as hard as I could across his stupid bald head on behalf of all the intelligent members of society.
Luckily I turned my blackberry off before takeoff! Wouldn’t want to cause problems for the pilot!
You have to be kidding me.
Next time I'm going to unbuckle my seatbelt, and run through the cabin blaring random ringtones and make the flight attendant chase me.
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By:Jim Sarruda
Category:Random_Sarruda
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