 | Written by Dipul Patel on Thursday, 15 May 2008
Category:Random Rants
Hits:2162 |
Cheese.
So many people love it.
So many people swear by it.
So many people think it’s wrong to dislike it.
I HATE CHEESE.
Let me let you all in on a little secret. This may surprise
some of you, may shock some of you, and may cause you to call me insane For a
small minority, you will agree with me.
Not everyone likes cheese.
Cheese is f*cking gross.
There, I said it. I don’t like gooey crap all over my food.
There is not a single flavor that cheese adds, that I cannot
emulate, or completely decimate with one or two fantastic spices available
everywhere.
I hate cheese. I
think it’s gross. I think at best, it
adds a muted flavor. Don’t give me that
“you haven’t tried good cheese!” crap.
I’ve tried enough cheese to know that I dislike it immensely.
YET EVERYONE QUESTIONS ME WHEN I ASK FOR NO CHEESE.
I look at menus at catered meals, and they have a vegetarian
option. I used to only eat vegetarian
food… and life was even harder, because all of these vegetarian foods are based
on cheese.
A small tangent. FISH
IS NOT VEGETARIAN. FISH IS A F*CKING
ANIMAL.
Anyway, I will try
any cuisine. I will try
rattlesnake. I will try shark. I will eat snail. I will eat a freaking wallaby. What is the obsession with cheese? Why does
every meal HAVE TO INCLUDE CHEESE?
I won’t eat cheese.
Cheese SUCKS.
Do you realize that cheese is made from milk, and humans are
the only organism on this planet that continue to ingest milk after nursing as
a baby? You know what’s even more fantastic? We ingest milk from a cow. You’re basically eating spoiled, bacteria
cultured, bovine breast milk.
Congrats.
Normally, I don’t comment on what people eat and what they
don’t. I could care less; you can eat a
freaking fried turd for all I care. Just
don’t give me crap because I hate cheese. Stop trying to convince me how great
it is. I don’t care that you listen to
creed. I don’t care that you drive a
minivan. I don’t care that you watch
American Idol. Cheese sucks. You will
NEVER change my opinion. You have a better chance of Nelson Mandela making a
gangster rap album.
Now let me make this 100% clear. So everyone knows my stance. I’m going to
make this clear so you understand.
Learn these words, please, so I can spend my time doing
important things like calibrating my abacus.
I don’t like cheese.
No I’m not nuts. Yes, I think it’s freaking gross. Yes I eat pizza without cheese. No, I don’t
think the best part of pizza is the cheese.
Yes, I hate cheese. No, you won’t change my mind. No, it’s not wrong. Yes, is unusual, but so
is the fact that you probably thought the all the Harry Potter movies were
good.
I have tried cheese.
I have tried everything unusual on every menu I’ve come across.
Cheese has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO ADD TO ANY DISH.
Do you know how many times people have asked me to eat
cheese, and they say, “just eat it, you can’t even taste it.”
So let me get this straight, you want me to eat something
that is essentially spoiled, that’s bad for me, and grosses me out because I
can’t taste it?
That makes about as much sense as a best buy employee
telling me why a 100 dollar DVI cable is better than a 5 dollar one.
Look, cheese sucks to me. I don’t care that you like it. Stop trying to sell me on it, you won’t.
So why the gripe? I’ll tell you.
I woke up at 4 in the morning on Tuesday morning, drove to Syracuse to get here for
a 10 am meeting. I got here, and for
lunch, they have a great variety.
Everything has cheese.
They have a freaking vegetarian dish, but even that is full of cheese.
They even have cheese on the fucking meatballs.
Can’t this atrocity be added? What’s the difference when
cheese is added; since most cooks use it as a way of making their mundane,
vanilla dishes have more appeal. Why can’t the cheese be a side dish?
Look, I realize a lot of people love cheese.
I realize to a lot of people, cheese is the greatest thing ever.
Cheese is now something crappy chefs add to substandard
dishes so people will tolerate them.
Want to fix a substandard dish, MAKE IT BETTER.
I have this to say to everyone, you can make your favorite
dish with cheese. Whatever it is, I will make something better, more tasty and with
100% less breast milk for you.
I will make you a dish that uses no cheese and will replace whatever your
favorite cheese dish is. That’s how
confident I am that cheese sucks.
Don’t believe me? Come visit, I’ll prove it.
Cheese is not a freaking necessity.
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By:Dipul Patel
Category:Random Rants
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