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The Modernization of Stall Reading |
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 | Written by Jim Sarruda on Tuesday, 20 May 2008
Category:Idiocy
Hits:100171 |
The days when we reached for magazines, newspapers, and comic strips on the way to the men’s room are officially over.
Today, we fumble for our cell phones, blackberries, game boys, or even notebook computers when we become aware that we will need to sit in one place an extended amount of time.
I have to say, I had not truly come to realize the advancement of mankind until I heard the subtle clicking of blackberry emailing through the stall walls.
Here’s to you Mister Toilet-Emailer Guy.
Thanks to your speedy reply, we will wait no more to find out when and where to meet for lunch. Since your correspondence is so immediate, we can now completely understand the meaning of high speed internet.
So crack open an ice cold bud light, oh Courier of the Crapper, because only you can truly put the “P” in PDA.
 Too busy to even pull her pants down
I can’t resist asking the question. I work in an organization where the average employee spends over seven hours sitting in front of an internet capable computer. What can these people possibly have to say, that can’t wait until after they wipe?
I understand we live in a world that is impatient. We live in a world where you cannot hesitate at green lights, you cannot drive under the speed limit, and there is actually a demand for places that can manufacture greasy half pound beef patties fast enough to be pumped into our stomachs before the cheese melts.
But is it really getting so bad that we are now taking our cell phones into the toilet with us so we can make a phone call during our “down” time?
Dude, nobody wants to talk to you while you are dropping the kids off at the pool.
I’m no germaphobe, but think about the germs that are now on the cell phone that you press against your FACE because you made a phone call before you uh…cleaned up.
Is it really worth it?
If we can’t take a break to do our business, then what is this country moving towards? I picture a new iPod commercial with the silhouette person rocking out with the white headphones while crouched over the John.
Sometimes the human brain needs five minutes to desaturate itself. Magazines, newspapers, and comic strips were typically used to relax while nature runs its course. I guess what I’ve come to realize is society just doesn’t relax anymore. Our children can’t sit still, there is sugar in everything, and even the cartoons are so loud, bright, and obnoxious that Richard Simmons tap dancing in a balloon festival can’t compete.
 Not Pictured: Tyler Hansbrough
New Jersey recently passed a law forbidding motorists to operate a cell phone without a hands-free device. Personally, I think if you can’t drive a car while on the phone, then you can’t take a dump. That’s just me.
If New Jersey drops deuces anything like it drive cars, then our governor would be so full of crap that he could not see out of his office.
I guess we are just on the cusp of a new era of bathroom stall activity. Toilet reading has officially become electronic, along with everything else in the world. Next thing you know there will actually be televisions inside the stalls. Actually, have you ever been to ESPN zone?
I guess it is what it is. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to grab my Nintendo DS and head to the bathroom.
What? You think I am above all of this? I’m the guy that once wheeled a television across my bedroom so it was visible from my toilet.
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By:Jim Sarruda
Category:Idiocy
Hits:100171
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