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 | Written by Dipul Patel on Thursday, 29 May 2008
Category:Random Rants
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I was a vegetarian for 23 years of my life. I barely even ate dairy, as I HATE CHEESE. So please, for the love of god, stop preaching your new fantastic healthy diet which is most likely a fad.
Most people who are vegetarians for their entire lives, don’t feel the need to preach it, and make it known to everyone on the freaking planet. It’s DAMN OBNOXIOUS.
The people who feel the need to tell me about their healthy granola, are the same people who decided to become vegetarian, not those who were raised that way. Please, spare me the garbage about how much healthier you are, and how much better it is for your body.
A slab of fall of the bone ribs, or delicious fries absolutely destroys your low fat organic granola, washed down with a side of vitamin water. I take a joy in eating, it not purely a method of providing fuel for my body. If I wanted to eat cardboard every day, I would do it in silence. I sure as hell wouldn’t preach every chance I got.
Granted, not everyone who has a “healthy” diet is a food snob, and for the most part, people who I hang out with who do eat healthy, don’t comment on my diet. There are very few people who have the right, my doctor, myself and maybe my immediate family and best friends, and only if I have a health problem, which I don’t.
So, why do I write about this topic?
Because of this conversation I heard a few weeks ago.
Person A is going to get some milk to have with their coffee in a break room. Person B looks on, and is appalled.
Here is the conversation that goes on:
Person B: “I can’t believe you’re drinking normal milk”
<at this point, I have to stall and stay in the room so I could listen to this>
Person A: “What do you mean?”
Person B: “You should only drink Organic milk!”
Person A: “Uhh, I’m okay with this stuff”
Person B: “Don’t you realize that stuff is full of cow mucus and disease?”
What the HELL? I mean, is that last statement really necessary? Is there some club that you f*cktards join that make you convert X number of people to douchebaggery a month?
Why the hell can’t you just let the man enjoy his coffee? Who cares about organic milk? To be frank, we shouldn’t be drinking milk anyway… captain health, humans are the ONLY animal that drinks milk after nursing, and the beauty of this is, we’re not even drinking human milk.
The whole damn thing is wrong, so who cares of the origin? In my coffee or tea, normal milk tastes just dandy.
Anyway, that is the conversation that really put this whole thing in my mind, and I started to think back about the different people who felt the need to comment on my diet. Lets begin, with everyone’s favorite.
The Vegetarian.
Hey, everyone, let me introduce you to something that most people have forgotten. It’s called the food web (which is formerly the food chain).
 The Circle of Life
You see that magical mythical diagram?
Now, lets look at nature… where snobs are usually killed because they suck.
Here are some Carnivores:
 That is an Impala. It died like my car usually did :(
 He’s about to hunt for Atreyu.
And some “Vegetarians”
 Awesome, but for another reason.
 I love Cows.
Do you think a cow tries to convince a Lion to eat grass, that Impala surely tried.
Look, I’ve paid my vegetarian dues, for 23 years. For 23 years I thought, what the hell is so great about meat, who cares?
This is what is great:
So before you tell me how terrible my food is, please spare me. Your pecan encrusted tofu with a side of alfalfa sprouts does't work as a replacement. I choose to enjoy my meals. My cholesterol is less than 130 and my blood pressure is 120/80, unless of course im listening to some douche bag go on about the magic of lettuce, and then it may rise.
I used to be a rabbit Now I’m a lion, only I cant legally eat annoying things that try to judge my diet.
The Fast Food/Fried Food Hater
Sometimes, I like some Wendy’s. I eat at Mcdonald’s, chik-fil-a, and Arby’s. Yes, I think the food is good.
Yes I realize most of you hate it, but frankly, why doe sit bother you that I eat there? What is with the world wide hatred of food that takes 5 minutes to be served? I’m not asking you to like it, you can go eat raw grass for all I care (organic of course), just stop preaching to me.
This also applies to people who have the need to tell me how bad fried food is. Look, I know it’s not the best stuff ever, I choose to eat it anyway.
 A mountain of awesome.
And now, everyones favorite.
The all mighty, “Organic Only.”
WOW. This one is just special to me. Organic only eh? What do you think our parents ate, they probably dined on steak from cows that breathed DDT their entire lives. Steak that was served full of gravy with a huge side of potatoes.
White potatoes, not the sweet ones.
Also, they ate loaves of bread, white bread.
Again, I understand why organic food does have possible benefits, and some produce tastes a lot better when its grown organic, but lets face it, I don’t need organic oats, or organic tortillas on my burrito. Organic chicken, are you kidding me?
The thing is, I understand why some foods are better than others. I realize that there MAY be some health benefits to drinking organic milk over normal milk. Even if I didn’t know these things, it is not your job to preach it. It’s one thing to say, “maybe you should try organic, you may like it more.” Maybe, you can try offering suggestions instead like this, “instead of having that juicy burger, why not try this mushroom/bean patty!” Sure, it probably won’t work, but you wont come off looking like a douche bag either.
What is absolutely obnoxious and annoying, is pointing out how disgusting the meal someone is about to enjoy is. Its obnoxious and classless, unless you’re very close to me, please, shut the hell up. I don’t care how much better your granola bar that causes you to fart dust, gives you “more energy” and less “bad fat” than my chocolate chip cookie.
My cookie tastes good that’s why I’m eating it.
Before you all jump on me about the cheese article, please remember, that was in response to people who feel the need to give me crap about hating cheese. I don’t tell everyone around me who eats cheese how disgusting it looks, smells and probably tastes.
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By:Dipul Patel
Category:Random Rants
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