And then I watched the newest James Bond movie, Casino Royale.
What I saw was a plot driven, exciting, invigorating, collaboration of
action, suspense, and emotion, facilitated beautifully by the capable
acting skills of Daniel Craig.
What I saw was not a Bond movie.
I am a believer that a given person’s opinion of movie’s success is
greatly affected by the type of entertainment they have come to expect
from that type of movie.
In other words, when I rent a Bond movie, I want to see a good Bond movie.
I took the liberty of outlining for you what makes a good Bond movie.
Guns Explosions Fire Awesome
* Plot is uninvited
Actually plot should be considered secondary. You build the plot around explosions, girls, and catch phrases.
* Bond drives an Aston Martin. It is loaded with gadgets. It does unreasonable stuff. The end.
* Bond is British. He is dark haired, clean cut, smooth, chivalrous,
and even a little bit preppy. He is not blond, bruiting, ass kicking,
and tough.
* Bond wins by outsmarting you. Bond does not win by snapping your
neck. Bond wins by using your tactics against you and finishes you off
with a snide catch phrase.
* Bond always gets a hot chick because they can’t resist him. Hot chicks are encouraged to become enemies.
Xenia and Natalia
* Bond is introduced to at least one ridiculous, fictional gadget per
movie. By the end of the movie, he must use it at the most appropriate
and only possible situation where it could be possibly useful.
* Bond says catch phrases and idiotic yet awesome quotes. He does not curse and yell and scream.
* The Bond music is generic and never to be altered. If you don't
know what it is by now, find it on YouTube. Replacing the standard
Bond music is heresy and grounds for dismissal.
The fact that the new movie doesn't play this music after every ridiculous stunt upsets me. They didn't even play the music until the end of the movie, and it was modified. This is completely unacceptable.
* MOST IMPORANT - Bond must do one completely ridiculous/exaggerated
and insanely satisfying move per movie. This is the movies climax and
most important scene. The plot should be based around an excuse to do
this. In fact, you should probably pick this scene before writing the
script to the movie.
Example: Wind Surf down a glacier, as it is being melted by a concentrated light beam emitting directly from the Sun.
Hugetime
So in conclusion, the next movie that calls itself a James Bond movie needs to remember which audience loves James Bond.
At least the Die Hard folks new what the Die Hard fans wanted to see.
I believe Bruce Willis said “Yippee Kay Yay” as he shot the bad guy
through his own shoulder.
Awesome.
So where was the scene where James Bond is dangling from the landing
gear of a helicopter, uses his watch to crash the chopper into the bad
guy’s lair just before the bomb is triggered, while simultaneously
jumping to safety into a pool full of girls, with which he watches the
explosion from the ground over a martini?
Liked this Article? See below for more awesomeness
i have to agree with everything you said. That is EXACTLY what I like from Bond Movies. I thought Casino Royale was great - I actually liked it better than all of the Bonds since Goldeneye, but it was NOT a normal Bond movie by any stretch of the imagination.
Maybe Quantum of Solace this fall will be more to your liking.
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