Written by Dave Homsher on Thursday, 31 January 2008 Category:Random Hits:3659

Dave Homsher
 
Employment Address:
#3 Thursday Rant Drive
Internet, USA 
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OBJECTIVE 

An opportunity to promote idiocy, entertainment, and occasionally intelligence any and all readers of manrants.com.

EXPERIENCE 

Overworked Engineer, July 2004 – Present
A Large Engineering Firm, South Jersey and Freezing Cold Upstate New York
- Purchased obscenely large big screen HDTV to improve quality of sports and video game watching
- Overcame severe height deficiency in becoming one of few 6 foot white dudes to dunk a basketball in a competitive game
- Attained several excellent performance ratings and earned multiple raises which moderately defeated annual inflation
- Conquered a multitude of nerds to become 3 point champion at engineering firm’s basketball league
- Developed idea of manrants.com pimptasticness with Dip
- Married woman COMPLETELY out of league in both looks and intelligence
- Successfully avoided any haircuts even remotely resembling those sported by Steve Nash or Chris Kaman
- Developed devastating poker game unleashed upon all unsuspecting foes
- Rocked out Las Vegas at insane bachelor party
- Launched in ABSURD eagle with a 9 iron from 143 yards out
- Successfully completed “The Meegan”, a bar hopping excursion at every Casino in AC
- Continued being devastated by crushing defeats and collapses of Philadelphia sports teams

Poor College Student, August 2000 – May 2004
A Top Notch Engineering College, PA
- Completed Super Mario 3 in under 20 minutes
- Captained No Ma'am intramural football team to championship after not winning a regular season game
- Swindled nationally ranked engineering program into granting me BS degree
- Started and maintained spectacular fashion trend of fleece pants and hoodies
- Completed Mega Man 2 and TMNT 2 without dying
- Dominated Jim Sarruda in legendary wing eating competition
- CASHED in 35 foot jump shot at buzzer to defeat trash talking team in basketball tourney
- Developed borderline magical wiffle ball slider that is completely and utterly unhittable leading to pitching the only perfect game in college league history
- Gained 13 pounds over summer internship due to the daily occurrence of foot long breakfast sandwiches
- Crushed a completely unrealistic 84 homeruns with Mike Lieberthal in MVP 2004
- Attained nearly undefeated beer pong record with legendary Miguelphious
- Defeated Agent Seeler in epic 2 year long battle, culminating with unlikely attainment of passing grades in both Systems and Controls courses
- Devastated repeatedly by crushing defeats and collapses of Philadelphia sports teams

TECHNICAL SKILLS 

NES, SNES, Gameboy, Sega Genesis, Nintendo 64, Gamecube, Playstation, Playstation 2, Xbox 360, Wii, Nintendo DS

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