Written by Dipul Patel on Wednesday, 05 March 2008 Category:Technology Hits:3271
Who has heard this dialogue before.
Idiot 1: Man, my computer is so slow and crashes all the time!
Idiot 2: Buy a Mac!
Idiot 1: Awesome! Lets go to Starbucks!
Idiot 2: Great! Let's get in my Prius!
Look. Everyone. Is your computer slow? Does it crash all the time? Does it fail to do what you want? I'm gonna fix that for you, right now, for free!
Ready?
I want you to go home, or if you're at home, print out this article.
Okay, Shut your computer off..... Unplug it..... Pick it up, and when you're ready,
Throw it out of your window.
There, problem solved.
Your computer crashes because of you. Your computer fails to act the way you want, because you don't know what you're doing. Your computer runs slower than Rosie O Donnell at anti gay parade... because of YOU.
You buy a computer that should perform like an exotic sports car, and in 6 months, it runs so slow that a pinto could pass it.
This is just not right. It's your fault.
I'm gonna start here by explaining to you why your computer runs like crap.
Spyware: Spyware are programs that run in the background of your computer, record everything you do and slow your PC down.
You don't get spyware because of Windows. You get it because you didnt protect your PC with very simple techniques, and you were probably at sites you shouldn't be at.
Perhaps you clicked a GET A "\/IAGRA PRESCRIPTION FREEEEEE!!!!!!!!" ad.
Point is, spyware doesnt spontaneuously show up...
Little add-on cute Addicts:
Look, the monkey is cute. You've all seen him, and who doesn't like a monkey? Bonzai is a product released a few years ago that helps you browse the internet and give you tips.
He's like the paperclip in microsoft word, but he's even more annoying.
If you install him, he will destroy your machine. Stupid tools like this just eat system resources and track everything you type.
Cute, sure. Malicious, absolutely.
Toolbars:
There is only one toolbar you need in your internet browser, and that is the google toolbar. You dont need anything else.
You have no one to blame but yourself.
All these stupid toolbars you install do one thing, they track you and spam you. They take up your system resources, and once you install them, they don't go away easy.
Next Up, the argument that Apple will solve all your troubles.
Apple is more secure:
Look, the only reason apple is LESS vulnerable to many vicious attacks is because its less used. But guess what people... it's now become LESS SECURE than VISTA.
Know why? Because VISTA sucks and no one uses it. Since no one uses it, hackers don't BOTHER.
See what that table is telling you? Apple is less secure than Vista and XP COMBINED. This means that even if you get an apple, you will find a way to break it and cause the same problems. It will NOT save you.
Apple is easier to use:
Sure, if you want to do 3 things, it is. Apple has less a MORON can screw up. You get a plethora of software (i think apple is up to 10 programs that actually run on their machines), each of which do one task, but do that task faster than windows.
So, if you want a machine that does 10 things fast (but costs 4x as much), buy an Apple. Otherwise, save your money, get a PC and learn how to use it. It's not difficult, its just not mind numbingly easy as an apple.
Even my crackout self can use a Mac!
Next up, you Apple Fan boys (and girls):
You guys just kill me. You're the technological equivalent of people who tell me how much better their organic granola is than my juicy rack of ribs.
Do me a favor, enough already.
These are the people who buy anything apple, because its automatically superior.
You know this is true.
Do you really think that iPhone is great? The ONLY innovation to the iPhone is that it has multitouch (and damn that's cool). But please, in terms of functionality, this computer destroys it.
Look Mom! I can INSTALL software on this!
You mean to tell me, I can spend 400 bucks on a phone, with crap software, crap options, and if I hack it... it wont work anymore? Look, I paid for the damn phone, let me do whatever I want to it. I can't believe more people aren't annoyed by this... take a look:
Doesn't it show you anything, when some kid living in his mom's basement can come out with software superior to that of Apple's? And Apple is so threatened, they not only prohibit you from installing the software, but basically make it so if you do install it, they destroy your phone.
Right, that's not Evil, Apple. Yet people still buy this stupid phone. They make excuses for it. Normally, I wouldn't care, but when someone looks at me using my Treo, and acts all smug with an iPhone, O just wanna stain his little turtleneck with some BBQ sauce.
How many idiots overpaid for this phone?
People bought this phone, and then a few weeks later, Apple drops the price by 200 bucks. But worry not, they gave "early" adopters 100 bucks back.
Are you KIDDING me? The price drop was Apple's tactic all along. Why? Because they know their product was CRAP. When the iPhone's came out, it took some people over 30 hours to ACTIVATE IT. ACTIVATE IT. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! These phones were garbage then, so apple dropped the price. What they didn't do, is fix the real problem, and that is the fact that the phone is still garbage.
I swear, you would buy any product if it had an apple logo on it. It's almost comical. More power to you though, because AAPL has been very good to me the past 5 years.
Apple's new Product. It works with Blu-Ray too!
I'm sorry if I've offended the 7 of you apple guys who actually use the machine for what it should be used for. But enough is enough, the rest of you apple fan boys just hate on windows because it's trendy. Here is a product I think you should get behind:
I'm gonna request that they make this a turtle neck for you
Software:
Another reason a lot of your machines fail, is you buy or download a bunch of crappy software, and it bogs down your machine.
Apple has a fantastic solution for this, "Lets make a computer with 12 software options!"
That's it folks, the reason your apple will probably run better is because YOU ARENT PERMITTED TO SCREW IT UP.
This is absolutely true
Some of Apple's Awesome Software:
iTunes:
iTunes is crap. Anyone who says otherwise is stonewall crazy. Let me get this straight, if I have iTunes at home and at work, I cant sync my iPod with both?
Subliminal Advertising?
Seriously, are they kidding? Not only do i buy the iPod, but i install their crap software and they PUNISH me for it?
iTunes is slow, a memory hog and is a big advertisement. Oh, and it makes sure you can only listen to your music on one computer, during a blue moon on every third Thursday.
That is, if you're not listening to some emo rock bullsh!t, which is gives you for free and allows you to listen to whenever you want.
Quicktime:
I hate quicktime so much, that if a file is quicktime, I automatically delete it. Seriously, what crackhead idiot came up with this software. It's a large file, that runs like crap and takes a supercomputer to render.
That about sums it up
Please, Educate yourselves
Look, despite how this may read, I don't hate Apple. For certain applications, it's fantastic. I have an iPod, and I love it, it does EXACTLY what I need it to do. If you need to use photoshop, or edit video, apple is king.
But Apple will not fix the fact that morons cause computers to fail. I have a few windows machines that never need rebooting, and run perfectly. I can get you a Windows PC for 400 bucks (with a monitor) that will do everything you need it to do... except save you from yourself.
Want a computer to run right? Please, for the love of god, stop preaching Apple and preach EDUCATION. You are the reason signs like this exist:
...wow...
Windows is unfairly blamed for so many problems, and unjustly. If Windows is so terrible, why is it still number 1? Why does office still command the market, even when google tried to take it down with google docs?
I am not anti Apple, and I am not Pro Windows. What I am, is anti Moron, and pro competent.
Liked this Article? See below for more awesomeness
you are moron, sorry... windows is crap and you don't understand anything.. really.
i can make a list of reason for this
spyware and virus: never seen, never do an ERASE AND REINSTALL everything from my mac, ah ok is less secure, but i repeat no problem. the first time that unfortunately i had a pc i reinstalled windows three times in a week... if i knew you at the time
i would ask you to come my home and lend me some money for buy an anti virus program...
Little add-on cute Addicts: your problems
toolbar: your problems too
apple is easy to use: yes, when you buy an apple computer, you have everything you need... and it works!! not just minesweeper an that horrible program called paint. ah, these are the list of program you have in the mac os x package
application:
Address Book
Automator
Calculator
Chess
Dashboard
Dictionary
DVD Player
Exposé
Font Book
Front Row
iCal
iChat
Image Capture
iSync (Supported Devices)
iTunes
Mail
Photo Booth
Preview
QuickTime Player
Safari
Spaces
Stickies
System Preferences
TextEdit
Time Machine
utilities:
Activity Monitor
AirPort Utility
Audio MIDI Setup
Boot Camp Assistant
Bluetooth File Exchange
ColorSync Utility
Console
Digital Color Meter
Directory
Directory Utility
Disk Utility
Grab
Grapher
Keychain Access
Migration Assistant
Network Utility
ODBC Administrator
Podcast Capture
RAID Utility
Setup Assistant
System Profiler
Terminal
VoiceOver Utility
X11
and ilife awesome suite for doing everything you want.... and these program are constantly updated.. ah! we have also have unix inside...
iphone: if you dislike it ,, go to use windows mobile... apple is scary to make a product like every little os that sucks and do nothing because everyone make crappy software that you open only one time... iphone is out from a year all the other os... from how much??
itunes: every pc user i know (and doesn't got ipod) use itunes... why? -EASY TO USE AND NO COMPLICATED INTERFACE-
quicktime: same thing for watch wmv on macs... when i cons...
The guy that posted ahead of me is a complete douche.
Granted windows is crap, Apple doesn't solve your problems. Congratulations on buying into the propaganda you fag, why don't you pick up some pogs and a deck of magic cards.
iTunes is complete garbage.
iCal, iChat and....iLife?
are you kidding me? Just listen to yourself.
Why don't you grab your iPod, hop in your iCar, and drive your worthless iAss out of iSociety you raging fag.
OWNED
pu
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poor "OWNED"
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151.21.40.162
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2008-03-06 08:41:26
another pc frustrated user.... i'm italian and in italy there isn't no apple propaganda in tv.... i use macs from 20 years... "iCal, iChat and....iLife?" ehmm... what you want to say? and... listen to myself? some friends of mine listen to me, and now they don't need windows no more, and never erase and reinstall everything...
itunes on mac run great,,, sorry for your stupid pc toy
p.s. i don't have any mp3 players
p.s.2 windows is crap and crap and crap,,, osx leopard now has got some problems but not many problem you can have... tell what you want... i had both system osx , and windows xp also 95... you never used mac
p.s.3 you wrong on everything that you say on me... thanks for your insults... you must go to Psychologist or maybe.... change computer?
bye frustrated
pu
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re: Apple SUCKS
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151.21.40.162
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2008-03-06 08:45:58
JTQ wrote:
iCal, iChat and....iLife?
are you kidding me? Just listen to yourself.
OWNED
just go there
http://www.apple.com/macosx/
http://www.apple.com/ilife/
fishamaphone
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212.68.144.42
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2008-03-06 05:52:56
Dip: praising Apple is trendy, eh? I notice people seem to be dishing on Apple a *lot* more often than they were a few years ago. I proffer that *hating* Apple is trendy.
But wait, loving Apple is trendy... hating Apple is trendy...
Maybe the issue here is just that... Apple is trendy?
AH! It really *is* the 80's all over again! Where's Oregon Trail and Carmen Sandiego?
Apple is moving more and more mainstream. I don't know the numbers right now, but I can't imagine it'll be too long before Apple surpasses HP and Dell for number of computers sold per year. 20% of 80% who use Windows will eventually be less than 100% of the 19% who use Mac. 0.9% will use some Linux distribution and build their own box, and 0.1% will use BSD.
And when that happens, Mac will be the new Dell, Dell will be the new Compaq, and Compaq can just go screw themselves.
My theory: by 2015, you will see Mac OS appear on the first non-Apple computer officially. Sure, you can laugh, but see what good that laughing did for AMD.
Like I said, apple makes a quality product, but it wont solve the problems caused by the pure idiocy shown by most computer users.
When Apple surpasses Dell and becomes the majority, they will see the same problems that Windows seems to see now, and malicious hackers will target apple instead of windows.
I can totally see MacOS running on clone hardware at some point.. who woulda thought you would see intel chips in a mac? Yet here we are! Or windows on a Mac!
to "pu":
thanks for making my point, fan boy.
fishamaphone
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89.138.81.177
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2008-03-06 11:19:52
Bashing Windows isn't trendy -- it's a constant. Calling that trendy is like calling backyard barbecues trendy. So long as Microsoft is anywhere near monopolistic (whether legitimately or illegitimately), and for a long time afterwards, people will bash them.
not fan boy, frustrated the spot " i'm a mac i'm a pc " comes years later of my mac use... just not a fanboy. we will see what will happend...
Doughboy
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hiznitchle
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67.83.106.245
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2008-03-11 23:06:34
Personally, I think people put way too much thought into all of this.
Apple's have their strengths.
Macs have their strengths.
Linux has its strengths.
My ass has others.
Why people care so much about all of this stuff just boggles the mind.
Find the one you like, use it, stop trying to convert people like Apple or MS is paying you.
Nate
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re: hiznitchle
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24.60.6.135
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2008-06-22 21:00:26
Doughboy wrote:
Pers
onally, I think people put way too much thought into all of this.
Apple's have their strengths.
Macs have their strengths.
Linux has its strengths.
My ass has others.
Why people care so much about all of this stuff just boggles the mind.
Find the one you like, use it, stop trying to convert people like Apple or MS is paying you.
people care because some of us are savvy with technology and get aggravated using shitty resources.
apple is good if it suits your needs, windows is good if it suits your needs, but if you just fail at using a computer , then go live with the amish because switching to one or the other is not a solution.
Nate
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oh
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24.60.6.135
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2008-06-22 21:02:23
dip this article is pretty win by the way, see you in late july when i come visit
Justin Long
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70.145.171.154
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2008-03-13 00:21:19
Hi guys its me, Justin Long. I'm the guy from the Mac commercials.
You know, when Apple first asked me if I wanted to be their spokesman they wanted to make sure I was, in fact, a homosexual. Well lets just say I put that issue to bed during my first meeting with Steve Jobs. Now look at me; I am the Subways Jared of computers! HA HA its so fucking awesome to be me! I am now dating Drew Barrymore and she is one handsome woman. I am truly the best thing to happen to the human race ever. Just look at me. When I argue with PC on TV I am clearly the winner. PC is such a fucking idiot I really hate him. He is really depressed and overweight and I do not think he will ever find someone to love him the way Drew loves me. Everything he tries to do I do better. What a jerk. Do you see how he wears those suits? I don't wear suits! HA HA I AM JUSTIN LONG! I WIN AGAIN!
Greg Adams
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Wake Up Dipster!
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70.104.80.44
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2008-04-14 19:21:34
Dip;
Fortune cookie man say, 50% of population is below average!
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