Hello, welcome to the first ever combo rant on manrants.com. In the next few weeks, Dave and I (Dip) are going to tackle a very serious problem. This will be a long article, but it will be worth it. Read it, it may save your life.

There is a serious problem, one that needs to be addressed. When I was younger, I used to play football in the street, pickup games of hockey on the tennis courts, tag, manhunt, laser tag, and basketball. I remember going out for Halloween and hanging out playing video games with friends.

This is all going to disappear.

Computers are great. I'll be the first to tell you how amazing they are. Graphics on new video games are beginning to look so real it's almost ridiculous.  My computer can help me do things with my photography that 5 years ago would have taken weeks or maybe months. The problem is that this technology has a very real negative side effect. The speed of the internet, and also with wireless hotspots available everywhere has essentially made the entire world, in terms of communication, the size of a single point.

I won’t get into the new technologies on the horizon which will promise wifi nationwide. I already see people in bar's with their laptops. I see people sitting in Starbucks or Panera Bread for hours, alone, sitting on a laptop. Last week, in Sedona, I am sitting at a restaurant with my girl and her family looking out a panoramic window with a stunning view. You know what's blocking it? Some low-rent fucktard thinking he is a financial broker. He has a laptop up, with stock charts ticking away. Here is the kicker: he has a date with him. She didn’t even look like a beast, what she did look like, was completely bored. As ridiculous as this all is, at least these people are getting out and about. It's appalling to me that people go to bars by themselves and play games on their laptops. I mean, this defies logic! I was at a local pub the other day, watching 2 people sit across from one another, playing each other in some game. Maybe they were trying to render a lifelike vagina, as they obviously haven't seen one since they were born.

WHAT. THE. HELL. WTF is happening? People are living virtual lives, and forgetting reality. As amazing as computers are, they are NOT a substitute for reality. People come to see and are so happy about how lifelike their horses are in whatever game they are playing, how they spent 8 hours the night before, to gain some amazing sword. You know what I did as a kid? I took martial arts, and played with a real sword. HOLY CRAP! It felt so real, the rendering on it was astounding.

Oh wait. It was.

There is a more annoying trend - Facebook and MySpace. Now, I understand that networking is important, but this has replaced REAL networking. People have stopped socializing in reality, and replaced it with stupid blurbs on a MySpace or Facebook site. I can’t tell you how many people I've met, who are like, "Hey add me on Facebook!!!!!"

No.

I won't.

I'll add you to my cell phone, and call you when I want to hang out.

See how simple that is?

Read this next article... and allow Dave and Myself to go nuts on it.

Dave:
WTF??!!?  “If your relationship isn’t listed on Facebook…It doesn’t count” is quite possibly the STUPIDEST piece of internet drivel ever created. When I met my wife in college, do you think I made our relationship official by putting it on Facebook??  HELL NO!!!  I made it official by ASKING HER OUT!!  Then I actually went and saw her, hung out, and went places and parties together. I didn’t spend all of my time blowing her virtual kisses through Facebook and MySpace!!  I called her up, met her for dinner, and got REAL KISSES straight from her. How does anyone who thinks this is intelligent ever GET a girlfriend, let alone any friend?  This Facebook group has 700 “friends.”  I think I’ll take REAL friends any day of the week over some internet buddy who’s probably really a 45 year old pedophile who gets his jollies off by taking pictures of unsuspecting college kids through their bedroom windows.

Dip:
I have to put my relationship status ONLINE for it to be real?  Funny, I thought seeing the funparts of my lady made it pretty damn official. I hope she doesn’t dump me because I don’t have a MySpace or Facebook page, the horror! 

You know, Dave, this subject of that article is so stupid I worry about the future of this country. How about this little gem: "If you're in college, you kind of need this to keep up with people," Neal said. "I have relatives that I don't even have their phone numbers but I can keep up with them on Facebook."

Look, when I was in college, I kept up with friends by... wait for it... this will shock you... HANGING OUT. We hung out even when doing mundane crap. Now, people go home, get on Facebook for 4 hours and that’s how they "keep track."

These signs are sadly, things of the past

Here is a brilliant business plan. I'm going to make a database, it's called "Accumulate as many insignificant "friends" as you can, and you win the prize." The prize? It’s a virtual billion dollars, you can use to buy a virtual car, which you should drive into a virtual tree and be treated by a virtual "shaman."  

Now, for relatives. I have a LOT of relatives, all over the world. I love catching up with these people.  The problem with having all of this automatically done by a stupid website is this, YOU LOSE THE VALUE of it. When I take the effort to call one of my family members, it actually means something, because it takes EFFORT. I make time for these people, I make an effort to visit them (in real life, not in their imaginary village populated by nothing but 3 legged llamas who speak with a Scottish accent). 

Networking takes effort. How many of the 1700 "friends" you morons have on MySpace are real friends? How many would loan you cash when you needed it? How many would you give the key to your house to take care of your stuff while are you aren’t around? 

How many really give a rat's ass about you? 

There is a minority who has these friends... but people are becoming nothing but statistics. Relationships are being forged by stupid statements like, "HEY, GIRL! Nice new pictures!"

Dave:
Yo Dip, you think these people are wastes for forging relationships based only on online photographs?  How about THESE morons:

These parents let their poor kid DIE so they could play World of Warcraft!!  After they were arrested, they were quoted as saying "We were thinking of playing for just an hour or two and returning home like usual, but the game took longer that day."  LIKE USUAL?!?!  So you leave a four month old kid at home, by herself, as part of your normal ROUTINE!?!?!  Guess what geniuses?  4 MONTH OLD KIDS CAN NOT TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES!!!  How can people like this have kids?  They probably solidified their relationship by declaring it official on Facebook. It’s amazing that they even were able to make time to meet an actual, real life human being to have kids. The odds of them having a virtual kid instead of a real one had to be 1 BILLION times higher. Parents who let their children die from neglect should be lobotomized and “Bobbitized”. Of course, this would be irrelevant, since anyone who let this happen is already brainless and dickless already.

Dip:
Dave, I don’t know what the hell to tell you. Stupid sites like MySpace and Facebook, or EHarmony probably helped these two complete wastes of carbon meet, and collectively set their status on the site to "OMG someone loves me." They probably then played some World of Warcraft (Which will we call WoW now), and asked their "friends" how to have sex.

Yep, Instructions are necessary..

9 months later, they have a baby. Now Dave, you’ve got to understand that they probably got married on WoW, and had a virtual infant. I am sure that baby is well cared for with all the coolest armor and potions. Meanwhile, their real kid is dying. Maybe they can reboot. There is justice here, its called castration and internet deprivation. No more internet – EVER!  Force these people talk to people in real life!

Even Google Knows...

These sites are taking away NATURAL BARRIERS which stopped morons from procreating. It was called REAL LIFE AND SOCIAL SKILLS! Now, in some kind of Kodak moment, these people who have the common sense of an inbred kitten are finding each other, finding their "soulmate," and then procreating.

Remember when talking to a girl was challenging? The little bit of apprehension you felt as you approached them, trying not to stare at their awesomeness, and tried to mumble a coherent sentence? Then you went to high school, and refined these skills. That's all gone. Since you can just quote some poetry that Google finds you, and all of a sudden you are a "deep thinker" or "sensitive."  No, you're an idiot who can use a search engine, copy-paste and a website tailored to single cell life forms.

Here is the most disturbing part, these people decided to have a baby, which is a SIGNIFICANT cost to anyone. Yet, they have to go to an internet cafe to play games? The level of stupidity on here is staggering.

You've already read my article  on useless parents. If you haven't already, read it now, as it will probably save some kids life someday. What can I say folks, Manrants.com is filled with humanitarians.

I love the comment Dave pointed out by the parents. The WoW game took longer. I think the Wizard just wasn’t going down that day, and the Dragon was maxed out with his super powers. That’s just bad luck. The baby died because the parents' game took a little longer. It's obvious that everyone knows that a 4 month old can survive for an hour or two by itself, no problem. In fact, it can probably whip up a nice steak dinner. 3 hours, that’s just cruel.

My head hurts.

Dave:
You think your head hurts NOW, Dip?  Those two unemployed mind midgets aren’t even the biggest WoW wastes of space of all time. No, that Darwin Award goes to this gem:

A young girl actually KILLED HERSELF by playing too much WoW. She played for SEVERAL CONSECUTIVE DAYS!!!!  The questions this brings to mind are mind-numbing:

Didn’t she have to go to school?
Why not go outside and play with the other young kids?
Whatever happened to nap time?
What did she do for food?
Where the hell were her parents???

I should feel bad for this kid, shouldn’t I?  I don’t. This is evolution at its finest. Not that I was the smartest kid of all time, but at 8 years old, you can bet I knew to eat, and sleep, and go to school. It’s simple human nature. I’m hungry, I eat. I’m tired, I sleep. I have to go, I go. How can I feel bad for someone who isn’t smart enough to ensure their own survival? 

Sort of like a murderer attending the funeral of his victim.

Her online buddies were kind enough to hold a “virtual funeral” in honor of her death. It sounds sentimental, but some of the funeral attendees HELPED CAUSE HER DEATH!!  These internet WoW pals probably spent most of the 3 days hunting trolls and upgrading wizard spells along with our heroine. The only difference is that they probably have their refrigerator within arms reach, and modified their desk chair to transform into a fully flushable toilet.   

Their only means of survival.

Dip:
Wow Dave, that sounds about exactly how I would say it. I don't feel bad for this girl.  Her life didn't end early; it ended when it should have, as she clearly didn’t have the will to live. I remember trying to beat Mario 3 the day I got it. I played for hours on end, but then, I WENT TO SLEEP, or I WENT OUTSIDE. I feel worse for a crack addict than I do for this video game fiend. Some say video games are addicting, and it’s a disease. Really? A disease? Tell that to someone born with HIV. Tell that to a kid who has cancer. 

No, video game addiction is not a disease, stupidity is. These kids are infected with stupidity. Sure, you can install linux and write code. Sure, you can master the hardest spells and get the baddest gear. There is no addiction to video games, just like there is no such thing as a shopping addiction, or an addiction to food. It's called self control, and the will to lead a successful life. 

Know what I can do? Survive. Holy crap, I must be some kind of sage. Some magic being from another planet, called reality. Not some magic "expansion pack" downloaded last week. 

You know, in college, I played Pokerstars during class. Now, I didn’t play with real money, as I enjoy the thrill of actually owning someone up in person. No, I played with fake chips, for fun. The kicker, people would PAY ME for fake chips. That’s right folks, $40.00 bucks for a million play chips, and people lined up for it. It was magical. A friend of mine sold his Everquest character for over $2,000. He played that game for the sole reason of having a little fun and profit.

Sadly, he isn't alone.

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