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 | Written by Jim Sarruda on Monday, 25 February 2008
Category:Abridged Scripts
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24 SEASON 6: REWRITTEN
FADE IN:
EXT. Previously on 24.
Jack Bauer saves the world from a terrorist holocaust yet again and is rewarded by being tossed in a Chinese Prison.
EXT. Thirty Seconds later. 7:00 Pacific Time.
The Phone rings at Chloe’s desk. She looks at her watch and notices that it is 7:00 on the dot. She takes a look around her and notices several new attractive female colleagues that weren’t there yesterday. And the kicker, she realizes that she has nothing on her schedule until tomorrow. She hesitates before picking up the phone, and then cries softly as she holds it to her ear in complete terror.
 Step 1 - Jack Warns Everyone
Jack Bauer - Chloe, I need your help, I need to escape from prison NOW.
Chloe O'Brien - Noooooooo!
Jack Bauer – Chloe! I need you to . . .
Chloe O'Brien – Jack, you were captured! You are supposed to be in a level 10 security prison
guarded by the entire Chinese infantry.
Jack Bauer - Chloe, you need to make this a secure line, I have important information involving
national security.
Chloe O'Brien - Jack, I don’t know if that’s possible, you are using a subsystem intercom, I can try to
reroute your signal by configuring a Group 4 Protocol.
Jack Bauer - Chloe just do it!
Chloe O'Brien - I need more time!
Jack Bauer - We’re out of time! I need full schematics and vectors on all the exits for this Chinese
Prison.
 Step 2 - Chloe Secretly Helps Jack
Jack Bauer then gets disconnected forcing Chloe to frustratedly hang up the phone. A nervous Chloe is soon confronted by this season's Annoying new director of CTU.
Annoying new director of CTU 1 – Hi, my purpose is to disrupt you Chloe, by working against you.
What are you doing on Satellite, logged in as the division
director, downloading information on the Chinese government,
all while speaking nervously on the phone?
Chloe O'Brien – I’m working up a list of level 7 protocols and cross referencing them with the
possible locations of our newest decoy suspect.
Annoying new director of CTU 1 – Obviously, you are working with Jack, but I will wait until an
inappropriate time to discover this.
<office phone rings> Boop Boop Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Doooooooop
Jack Bauer – Chloe, you got the schematics?
Chloe O'Brien – Jack, I’m sending them to your PDA now. What are you trying to do?
Jack Bauer – I don’t have time to explain. You need to patch me over to President now!
Chloe presses number "three" on her speed dial, which automatically connects Jack to the President's personal cell phone.
**Please hold for the President**
 Step 3 - The President Becomes Involved
President Mike Novick – Jack Bauer. If it isn’t the last person in the universe that I want a telephone
call from.
Jack Bauer – <screaming into phone> Mr. President, Terrorists are planning to cause mass
casualties sometime today!
President Mike Novick – So do we have a mole in the white house or do you have a mole at CTU?
Jack Bauer – Yes
President Mike Novick – So is it a virus, a nuclear weapon, or some other type of biodegradable
warhead that we carelessly let slip into a Super Terrorist Villain’s grasp?
Jack Bauer – Mr. President, millions of people will DIE if we don’t stop them
President Mike Novick – Who’s them?
Jack Bauer – “Terrorists!
President Mike Novick – <sighs frustratedly> Well obviously, we should take extreme action. I will
assemble a field Corps special ops Super Tag Team Squad. Wait,
aren’t you in prison?”
Jack Bauer – I was, but there is no time to explain! I need to go in there now!
President Mike Novick – Jack, I don’t know where you are going or what you are planning to do when
you get there. But wherever you end up there will probably be over 500
hostiles in that area. Remember, despite saving the world five times,
you are still a deceased, ex-con, responsible for the assassination of a
Chinese ambassador as far as the government is concerned. You are
unarmed, currently imprisoned, and probably chasing certain disaster. It’s
almost comical how every odd our writers could think of is against you.
Jack Bauer – We’ll worry about it when I get there . . .
President Mike Novick – Jack . . . I can’t authorize this . . .
Jack Bauer – You won’t have to . . .
President Mike Novick - Jack! Wait!!
Jack Bauer – Mr. President, you’re breaking up . . . .
Jack hangs up the phone, licks his lips, sniffs as he wipes his face, and stares into the camera deliberately.
FADE OUT. 7:06:23, 7:06:24, 7:06:25, 7:06:26, 7:06:27, 7:06:28
FADE IN. 7:12:23, 7:12:24, 7:12:25, 7:12:26, 7:12:27, 7:12:28
EXT: Los Angeles Counter Terrorist Unit Exactly Six Minutes Later
Chloe is running around nervously. Bill Buchanon is frowning in a genuinely upset manner. Phones are ringing, people are typing, everyone seems to look so damn busy and anxious, yet the total lack of organization suggests that nothing is actually getting done.
 Step 4 - An Irrelevant New Character Is Introduced
Mr. Annoying CTU Director 2 – Chloe, please fill me on the Jack Bauer case so that I may properly
take over as CTU director.
Chloe O'Brien – What happened to Mr. Annoying CTU Director 1?
Mr. Annoying CTU Director 2 – Obviously was fired for helping Jack Bauer, but you don’t have to
worry about that because you’re obviously not helping Jack.
Chloe O'Brien – Aren’t you Elijah Wood.
Elijah Wood – Uhh yeah, I got the job because I’m the only hobbit left without employement
on a hit T.V. show.
Chloe O'Brien – What about Pippin?
Elijah Wood – Who?
Chloe O'Brien – Nevermind. Jack escaped from the prison somehow and China is on fire.
Jack currently has hijacked a Jet and is heading back to the U.S. He has
important information that could prove invaluable to anyone who isn’t
stubborn enough to cooperate with him.
Elijah Wood – <Turns to Everyone> I want EVERYONE on finding Jack Bauer. He is
responsible for blowing up China and is plotting to kill the President.
<Leaves>
Chloe O'Brien – <to herself, looking nervous> I need someone to help me. Which of
these new characters is the most useful and endearing. Is it the attractive
woman, the sensitive overweight person, the mean guy with the heart of gold,
or well, whoever is left is probably the mole. Well I guess it doesn’t matter
because all of them will be killed once they’ve grown on the audience.
The image of Chloe's face looking nervous zooms out and the scene becomes a square that fills 1/4 of the T.V. Screen. The other three squares that make up the entire screen are:
1) Jack with a beard on a boat looking angry
2) China on Fire
3) Kim getting out of her car.
 Step 5 - The Four Screens
The “Kim getting out of car” screen is enlarged to fill the screen as the audience groans.
Stupid Kim – Hello? Is there anyone in this house?
Kim proceeds to walk toward the entrance to a large warehouse. Her hair is now light brown and styled slightly different, to signify that she has aged since we last saw her.
Stupid Kim – Hello? It’s Kim Bauer. Hello? I didn’t bring anyone with me and I’m completely
unarmed like you asked. Nobody knows I’m here, in fact, I’m pretty sure nobody
cares. Hello? Can we turn a light on? It’s dark in here. I can’t see where I’m
walking. I might hurt myself.
Kim takes a few more steps and is kidnapped. The Audience groans again.
Stupid Kim – Let me go!
Masked Terrorist Antagonist – You move and I’ll kill you!
AUDIENCE – For the love of God . . . Please do!!!!
Kim kicks her captor in the gut and runs off. The next fifty minutes goes back and forth between Kim running through the warehouse and Elijah Wood looking like a homo at CTU.
 Step 6 - Kim Gets Captured
As Stupid Kim Bauer is being chased, the image of her running zooms out and becomes a square that fills 1/4 of the T.V. Screen. Another small square emerges showing a prison on fire while a lot of Chinese guards are shouting orders at each other. The third square that emerges is an image of Chloe once again looking nervous. The final square that completes the screen is Jack Bauer screaming and pointing a gun. The time reads 7:57:23 and the clock takes its place in the center. The image of Jack pointing the gun is then enlarged and fills the screen.
Jack is pointing his gun at another masked terrorist.
Jack Bauer – Freeze! Put your hands up! I WILL SHOOT YOU!
Jack punches the masked terrorist in the face and disarms him. It turns out to be Tony Almeida.
The image of Jack looking confused and betrayed lingers on the screen before the fade out.
AUDIENCE - Wait....wasn't Tony......
FADE OUT. 7:59:54, 7:59:55, 7:59:56, 7:59:57, 7:59:58, 7:59:59
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By:Jim Sarruda
Category:Abridged Scripts
Hits:15733
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